I am sitting at home with my cable off and listening to other natural’s hair journeys on youtube.  I guess I am bored enough to stop procrastinating and tell my story.

I never had long hair.  I can remember in grade school I used to put a towel around my head and ask my grandmother why my hair wouldn’t grow.  “Will it ever get long?” I would ask, “What must I do to get hair like the (white, Asian, Hispanic) girls I see on TV?”

She used to tell me that hair is not everything and that I was fine the way I was.  It took me nearly 20 years to really get what she said.

By the time I was in 2nd grade my mom was taking me to the salon every other week to get a press n curl.  This would become a routine for the next ten years with the exception of a few summers when I wore braids. All the other girls were still wearing natural pig tails.  Their hair was longer and thicker than mine, yet I had “good hair” because I could get away with pressing instead of relaxing my hair straight. In reality, the reason I did not need a relaxer was that the ends of my hairs were burned hair straight like I was already in the process of growing one out.  I despised the press n curl.  The process of blow drying, straightening and then curling seemed to take forever.  I was often burned on my ears, forehead and scalp.  Plus, my hair is fine. Having limp, greasy, “hard pressed” hair was not worth the time and pain.

By middle school all the girls were getting relaxers and I wanted one too.  Their hair appeared bouncy and they didn’t have to deal with the hot comb.  (Never mind the fact that every year their hair got shorter and soon they were all wearing weaves) My mom would NOT let me get a relaxer. She was convinced my hair couldn’t take it.  In 12th grade I finally got a relaxer with my own money. Not long after that all the hair on my edges broke off.

In college I experimented with relaxers, weaves and braids.  By then I REALLY hated my hair. Presses looked limp; relaxers either didn’t take well or took too well burning my scalp,  and weaves never blended well.  A really low point in college was freshman year when I took down my braids and couldn’t detangle my hair.  I called my friends over crying about my hair texture and how I just couldn’t take my hair. “Why couldn’t I have been born with straight hair?”  My friends helped me comb my hair while my white roommates listened to me in the background and looked at me with confused faces.

By junior year of college, braids were the only thing that I could deal with.  I went from cornrows to zillions and for two years never dealt with my hair.  The semester before college graduation, I decided to “look a little more professional” and take the braids out to get a relaxer again.  Bad idea!! My scalp was badly burned and scabbed from years of wearing braids and then immediately slathering on creamy crack.  I couldn’t even leave it on long enough to evenly straighten my hair.  Two months later, I decide to try again. Another bad idea!! A beautician puts a SUPER in my fragile hair and 2 weeks later it falls out in clumps. 

My natural journey: I cut the relaxer out! Then relapsed and got a mild relaxer which did not take. That was in 2007. Relaxers were not for me, and if one was, I was not willing to lose all my hair again trying to find it.  I got by with kinky ponytails, presses, and wigs.  I did not make the conscious decision to go natural until I wore my natural texture out a year later when moved to Arizona. 

It has not been easy.  My ex-bf didn’t like the change and I had continual relapses into presses which left some bits of my hair straight.  But lately, I keep saying that I’ll go get a press n curl, but don’t.  I keep saying I’ll go get a wig and don’t.  Now I LOVE playing in my natural hair. My hair is still not long, but it’s not limp, doesn’t burn and is definitely not boring.  This “style” seems to be working for me.